Art by Pamela Colebourn
Have you ever met those people who can’t seem to stop talking about themselves, or what happened with their spouse, their kids, etc.? Yeah, that’s not storytelling. That’s called a cry for attention, complaining, and/or self-indulgence. It’s most apparent on Facebook and some blogs. Facebook is the master of self-indulgence. And if you go to a blog and the blogger talks about themselves more than things others might find interesting, it’s called a self-indulgent blog. Storytelling, by definition, is the art of telling a story to entertain someone else.
Of course, we all indulge ourselves in some form or another. We have a right to be happy. But that’s not entertainment. That’s not storytelling. It’s just us being part of the audience.
What’s an example of an entertaining story? Try: “You won’t imagine what I saw on my way back home the other night. I had to walk because my car broke down. All the lights were out and I only had the light from my cell phone. My battery was running low and I could only guess I was going in the right direction. Finally, just as I was about to walk into a lit street, there in the bushes, I saw…”
It’s got a few elements that grab attention: 1) suspense, 2) fear, and 3) dealing with a tricky situation. A self-indulgent version would be:
“Urgh, I had to walk home last night after my car broke down. Such a piece of junk. The entire street was blacked out too, it was so frustrating. My stupid phone kept dying and I just wanted to cry. My boyfriend wouldn’t pick up his phone either, he’s such a d-bag. So then, I was right about to get out of this horrible dark street…”
I’m already asleep. Please, save the punch line. Maybe it will knock you out.
What we have to try to do instead is to make our stories relevant to the person we’re speaking to. That way they’ll grab onto what they want to get from it, and at the same time absorb the rest of the details.
Writing for yourself is like telling yourself a story, and only yourself. There are a few ways to figure out if this is the case:
1) Did you have a person or a group in mind when you were writing the story?
2) Have you imagined how this person/group might react to where the story was going?
3) Have you written scenes in the story that you didn’t necessary want to write but knew the person/group you were writing for might enjoy them?
The key here really is: were you thinking of anyone other than yourself and your characters when you wrote the story? After all, your characters are really an extension of yourself. Yes, it may also be important to make sure they get the best development they can, but sometimes it may not be a wise idea to put them before your readers.
Do you write for yourself or for an audience?
-The Story Addict
I think the key is that you are telling your story to someone else. Like everyone else I like to spin a yarn about the weird and wonderful things that happen to me during my day, but when it comes to creating a world and trying to share my ‘big stories’ I am still in the process of learning the craft of storytelling so I can communicate it in a way that others can connect to it too.
Saying that I often find myself wanting to ignore the advice. I quite like telling stories from multiple povs, or wanting to write in a more passive voice.
Thanks for the thoughts, Raewyn (what a pretty name
)! I think we’ll definitely be drawn to what interests us more often than not. I agree and I feel the same as you. We have to spill from ourselves our natural calling, those stories that need to be told, and in the way we want to tell them. But it’s also important to think of others too. I’m learning as well. One step at a time 
I write for myself in the sense that I try to write a book that I would enjoy. I don’t think about target audiences or even about genre. I have a story in my head and I do what I can to get it out in a satisfying (to myself) manner. This can make marketing hard, but that’s something I don’t worry about. Hmmm maybe I should get my solipsistic attitude reighned in a bit. Maybe next book
Haha, I think we all start out writing for ourselves. And it’s a good and healthy habit, because that’s how we find what we love. In the long run, though, I think it is important to start putting others first, and trying to find ways to make what we love share traits with what our readers would love too.
I definitely write for myself, and I’m not sure what to do about it. I become enraptured with an idea and want to express it – I have no idea about the people who might read what follows
I think it’s great to write for yourself. You have to do it at some point, because unless you can create something you enjoy, you won’t fall in love with it. The only way really to write for someone else is to think about what people want to see, and slowly mix your ideas in with what they want
I write for both. I read and write a lot of paranormal stuff with some romance so I hope I know what my target audience wants. I think my rule is to try and write the book I want to read.
Thanks for the thoughts, Emma! I agree, I think at the core of it there’s no sense in writing a book you wouldn’t want to read. And it’s equally important to consider the people you write for, since they’re the ones who will read your book.
Interesting question. Funny you should mention fb. I’m on fb a lot because of my gig with Writer Unboxed, but I think one of the reasons I actually enjoy fb is the feedback of others. I can tell when something is funny or moving or interesting by the feedback (and yes, the feedback is a bit addictive, and so perhaps self-indulgent). I’ve never really gotten into Twitter because it feel like a million voices talking to hear their own voice–quite narcissistic at its core.
As far as blogging, I tend to do it for myself. And I do talk about what interests me–the things I’m passionate about–in the hopes that my ramblings will attract, and hopefully inform and inspire, likeminded souls in the writerly world.
Regarding fiction, I think to a degree it must be for yourself, at least the first draft. It had better be something from your heart.
Steven Pressfield has a great quote about writing to the market: “A hack is a writer who second-guesses his audience. When the hack sits down to work, he doesn’t ask himself what’s in his own heart. He asks what the market is looking for.
The hack condescends to his audience. He thinks he’s superior to them. The truth is, he’s scared to death of them or, more accurately, scared of being authentic in front of them, scared of writing what he really feels or believes, what he himself thinks is interesting. He’s afraid it won’t sell. So he tries to anticipate what the market (a telling word) wants, then gives it to them.”
However, in answer to your question, I do think of others while I’m writing–usually my wife. I think in some ways my fiction is a very long letter to her, which can be excruciatingly intimate to reveal, when I think of it that way. The first drafts might be for me (self-indulgent) and for her (still quite indulgent), but everything I do afterward is for everyone else.
Sorry for the long comment, Margaret, but I’ve thought about this a lot. Sometimes I think the writerly life is one of the most indulgent ones a person can choose. But I am reminded of its importance when someone tells me they were moved by what I wrote, or that it made them think about their own issues or life from a new perspective. That’s the the turning point from being inner-directed to externally relevant.
Thanks so much for all your thoughts, Vaughn! I think any platform could be used in either a self-indulgent way or a serving way. And it can certainly be both! I love writing my blog, and I tend to write it both for myself and for others. It’s certainly helped me a great deal, but if it can send out a thought to someone else and help them on their writing journey, or find them a book they’ll love, I couldn’t ask for more.
I have my qualms with Twitter too because sometimes it feels like it’s a competition for how many times you see someone’s face. But I’ve also come across a lot of great information and posts through Twitter when I paid attention to the people who matter. I’m sure it’s the same for you with Facebook. On the primal level, you’re right, both are forms of self-indulgence.
I still firmly believe that storytelling is a craft that must be done by putting others first. That’s what marketing is all about. It’s a craft for others created by others. The important thing is that we enjoy what we do for them rather than force ourselves to do something we don’t like